YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
