there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
