That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
