I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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