the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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