Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
