the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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