Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
