they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
