Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
people are starting to question the shark bite story
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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