he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
