did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
