I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
