They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize