I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Found the puke drawer
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
whose parrot is this?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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