The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
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