Say something about gay babies.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
