This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
