Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
