The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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