I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
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