Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
