You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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