just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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