The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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