Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
