My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
