No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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