Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
