Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
