I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
