I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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