Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
