Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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