I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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