Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
