Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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