he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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