Who wears a wallet chain?!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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