things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
