we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
