i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
