I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
