I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
