He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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