Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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