Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Randomize
