is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
