Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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