holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
