so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
