no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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