I cannot find my penis.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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