The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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