i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
