I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
