she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
