She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
