Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Can you bring me the toilet please
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
