I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
