I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
