There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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