She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
