she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
